Happy anti-Christmas

television with image of newscasters surrounded by Christmas decorations
Cast of KLKN Channel 8 Eyewitness News, Dec. 2, 2008

If my math is correct (barring a fencepost error because counting is hard), June 26, 2019 at Noon, will mark the halfway point between Christmas 2018 and Christmas 2019. What better way to celebrate than to do nothing special?

In December of 2008, the team of the KLKN Channel 8 Eyewitness News invited viewers to send in pictures of their Christmas decorations and each broadcast they would select one of the pictures to be shared on live television. I think they called it the “Spread the Holiday Cheer” promotion.

I didn’t have any decorations of my own but I did have this grimy TV which would show the decorations on the set of the Channel 8 news so on 2008-12-02 I took a picture of the TV showing their 5:00 PM broadcast since their set decorations displayed on my TV were my actual decorations displayed in my room. I sent it in hoping that they would select my picture of holiday cheer to share with their viewers in Lincoln and the surrounding areas thinking it would be totally meta and funny and definitely not stalkerish and psycho. Unfortunately my “cheer” was not selected in favor of some little baby wearing felt reindeer antlers and I’m pretty sure my email address was blacklisted from the klkntv.com servers to boot.

Years later I saw Rod Fowler (the anchor on the left in the picture above) behind me in line at the checkout at the now defunct Village Market. I was tempted to bring up this “holiday cheer” incident but I looked rather disheveled and I daresay deranged at the time and didn’t want to disturb the man since he had a news program to anchor in a few minutes.

DIY Literal Foot Powder

As noted in this post from November 26 here is my idea for DIY literal foot powder. Others have also had this idea but I got to the patent office first. Unfortunately the patent officers laughed me out of their little patent club and made me feel real bad but who gets the last laugh now, suckers? In fact they’re still probably chuckling about the clown with the silly ideas from time to time, at my expense no doubt, so it’s probably fair to say they will have the last laugh after all so now I feel bad again. Anyway, without further ado:

DIY Literal Foot Powder featuring Snagglepuss as Himself even!

Xmas time is nigh upon us

Merry Christmas from the Pambulon Heights Donut Club!

The Xmas decorations finally went up at the Pambulon Heights HQ  so the Christmas Spirit® is filling the air. I mean literally, it’s getting hard to breathe in here. On second thought it might be the Pine-Sol, but either way it smells like evergreen trees and I’m catching a nice buzz from all the holiday cheer. Also, feel like I might puke.

How to get sleep dreaming of sandwich dreams

I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately due to having these dreams of a sandwich who is, in turn, having dreams of me eating it. It’s very disconcerting and constantly wakes me up so it was with great relief when I stumbled upon this WikiHow graphic that helps explain how to deal with this exact perturbing situation:

Unfortunately I have to wear a wig in my sleep or else the sandwich in my dream won’t recognize me.

So this is apparently why bottled water has an expiry date

No camera trickery here, this is how these unopened bottles of water, artifacts from 2009, actually look in real life.

It seems that the slow-motion time portal under my stairs distorts plastic bottles as they age. The glass jars, light-bulb, etc. don’t seem as vulnerable to this side-effect of the portal but they are susceptible to the effect of gravity when falling off the shelf, often with horrifying and tragic results.

Head Shaved

Shaved the head. That’s another thing done today.

Forgot to set the character set and collation on the new SQL databases so had to go back and fix that. Also changed the root password. So the database issues are now apparently solved, have to wait and see if any problems pop up though I suspect not.

Artist and copyright status of this image is unknown

I also did some management on my personal password database and got it synced with my phone so that’s another thing done.

Getting “*organeziezd”.

Now having an issue with DVD Decrypter read errors. Have to check the disc in a moment. Actually… NOW!

Looks like this particular disc is scratched, gonna try it again. Hope it works this time.

What’s left for today?

*Note: Astute readers will understand the discrepancy between the spelling “organeziezd” in the text part of this post and the spelling “ORGANIZ-IZED” in the picture.

Велосипед

Velociped

Bicycle

The weather is nice.

So decided to get out of the house and leave the vim and python and database stuff for later, when the weather is not so nice.

Today was the first bike ride I’ve taken since September and the first one with this Fitbit Charge 3 I bought last month earlier this month.

I’ve seen a couple of these cats around town…

…location of said cat

According to my trusty CatEye Mity 8 bike computer  (which I’ve had for about 10 and a half years) I travelled 11.23 miles. The Fitbit connected-GPS says 10.6 and Strava, which gets its data from my Fitbit profile says 10.64. Quite the discrepancy betwixt between the GPS data and the CatEye. I’m gonna have to *recalibrate the CatEye and try this  ride again later this week. Uhhhhhh-suming the weather holds out, that is.

Regardless of which method I used to calculate the distance, the actual time elapsed door-to-door was the same, and the MPH (or km/h if you prefer) average was rather slow, although I will note that the Fitbit seems to not pause when I do so perhaps that was a reason why it reported the lowest average speed. Strava seems to be more forgiving when it comes to adjusting for stops and reported a higher average. I’m gonna check if adjusting the distance in the CatEye yields a similar average.

[EDIT: just checked, the CatEye still reports faster average but within the right ballpark, about 0.2 MPH faster than Strava. I did not adjust the moving time though, Strava reports about 53 seconds more than the CatEye so that would probably account for a part of the discrepancy. I don’t actually care enough to look any more into this right now. EDIT 2:  yep, that was it. Cейчас всё хорошо]

[EDIT 3: Just realized I forgot to reset the wheel size last time I changed the battery in the CatEye. Silly me. I wonder by how much that will make the odometer distance wrong. Assuming I changed the battery at the beginning of 2016 the discrepancy would be about…

{checking… checking… checking…}

{…checked}

…38.25 miles. Significant but not that bad. I can adjust this in the CatEye’s running odometer later.]

I’m always a bit amazed at how quickly I lose my bike legs, even after a week of not riding, let alone two months. I was feeling pretty good the whole ride but definitely noticed a lack of pizzazz in the quads, particularly up the little inclined planes we call “hills” around these parts. I do note that there is a bit of tenderness in my ischial tuberosities, or the postérieur derrière as one might say in France, ou peut-être comme on pourrait dire en France, plutôt . Or “sit-bones”, I guess, is generally what people call them. Tenderness in the sit-bones, then.

At any rate, retesting the distance with the soon-to-be-*recalibrated CatEye and the GPS-connected Fitbit offers yet another little experiment. Perhaps the CatEye is not so trusty after all? We’ll see about that.

*Note: “recalibrate” was not included in the Chrome spellcheck database. What’s up with that? Now I’m second-guessing myself on whether or not it’s actually a word. But you know what really is a word? The word “word”.

Картошка Мужчина

Kartoshka Muzhchina

Potato Man

I’ve seen this guy around once before circa 2014

I saw this suspicious-looking potato man earlier:

Normally I’m not one to judge but there was something peculiar about the way he walked, he seemed to be up to some rather unsavory antics. Of course he just had to be wearing this ridiculously conspicuous getup but there was certainly something snazzy about the way he was dressed and that has left what is sure to be an indelible impression.

I am going to check with my sources and see if I can get any more information on this man.

[EDIT: He has been spotted again!]