As noted in this post from November 26 here is my idea for DIY literal foot powder. Others have also had this idea but I got to the patent office first. Unfortunately the patent officers laughed me out of their little patent club and made me feel real bad but who gets the last laugh now, suckers? In fact they’re still probably chuckling about the clown with the silly ideas from time to time, at my expense no doubt, so it’s probably fair to say they will have the last laugh after all so now I feel bad again. Anyway, without further ado:

I’ve been having trouble sleeping lately due to having these dreams of a sandwich who is, in turn, having dreams of me eating it. It’s very disconcerting and constantly wakes me up so it was with great relief when I stumbled upon this WikiHow graphic that helps explain how to deal with this exact perturbing situation:

Unfortunately I have to wear a wig in my sleep or else the sandwich in my dream won’t recognize me.